No effems please
Why is it that many, if not most, “straight acting†PLUs or those who say they are “bi†would say in their personal ads, “No effems please!†What is so wrong with being “effem�
Homophobia, according to Angelo Pezzote , an experienced Gay therapist in the US, is the fear of the perception of being gay. Following this line of thought, I would say these apparently “straight acting†PLUs are themselves actually homophobic. They fear the social stigma that comes with being gay. Thus in their prowl for friends and partners, they want to have someone whom they can be seen together with, and still preserve the image of “macho†masculinity. Being seen with someone who has effeminate ways would definitely put a dent on their manly image. This may be the major reason why these PLUs really go for non-effeminate PLUs.
What other possible reason do they have for preferring fellow straight acting “biâ€s or gays? The only other reason I can come up with is from Economics. The Law of Supply and Demand. “Straight acting†dudes are much fewer than the out and about effems in the gay world. Not only are they fewer, they are much harder to identify. Now being fewer and harder to find, would it not be more in demand?
My take on this is simple. We have to be realistic, and acknowledge that people have their preferences. We should respect those preferences, as much as we want our own to be respected too. Therefore when you find someone, in the chatroom or even in friendly conversations, say they don’t like “effems,†it would be wise to just keep the above thoughts in mind. Yes, they may exhibit some kind of discrimination within their same kind, but at least you know where they are possibly coming from. Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with being one’s self – whether in articulating their preferences, or in expressing one’s masculinity or femininity.
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October 18th, 2006 at 8:08 pm
I AM AGREE! Spin-a-win!
(Kung hindi mo ma-gets, ibig sabihin ambata mo kasi eh.)
October 18th, 2006 at 8:17 pm
is that the game show with joe quirino as host?
October 18th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
The way I see it, as a gay man, the more a potential partner resembles a girl, the less interested I am in him. Simple.
October 19th, 2006 at 10:25 am
O c’mon maximo
October 19th, 2006 at 1:06 pm
yeah… live and let live….kanya-kanya lang yan….
October 19th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
Migs:
“Spin-A-Win” is the game show hosted by Jeanne Young. Joe Quirino had a talk/variety show called “Seeing Stars With JQ”; that show is a lot older than “Spin”.
October 25th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
effem or what, they also deserve RESPECT…
December 8th, 2006 at 12:43 am
Excellent article! I feel that tolerance for all people is what the world needs now. Acceptance, kindness, etc. Some like blondes and other like brunettes. The key is to like people that are kind, caring, and are good on the inside.
December 31st, 2006 at 8:18 pm
that phrase annoys me. it’s like saying, “no fatties please” or “no asians please”. of course we all discriminate but c’mon, saying things like, “no effems” is unnecessary especially coming from a gay guy who is in reality effeminate in his sexual preference.
an ex of mine said “oh, he’s so fem” referring to someone i thought was cute, and i was like, sure, and you’re 100% man? anyway, take any “bi” guy who’s anti-fem, i can kick his ass.
January 6th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
“straight-acting gays” are the ones who really practice dscrimination among their kind kasi seguro mas malala ang naransan nila for being bakla. Di nila kayang tanggapin na mga bakla din sila. baka kasi di nila kakayanin ang reality. maloka tuloy. so dapat mag intindihan na lang. world peace to all bakla kahit effem, paminta, in between, transexauls at kung ano-ano pa.
January 22nd, 2007 at 10:55 am
i agree with pepe. hindi nila kaya ang flamboyance ng mga totally out. hehehe!!! d2 lang naman yata sa pinas maraming klase ng bading? pero ang bottomline.. iisa ang hanap… NOTA dba?
February 12th, 2007 at 7:11 am
to each his own
March 3rd, 2007 at 6:05 pm
I understand. Being “anti-effem” is never a good thing. Respect is the key word.
However, lack of desire for the femininity in men does not always indicate “homophobia” or a denial of one’s homosexuality. It may simply be just a personal preference. Ditto with Scott. I like blue, you like orange; I like simple clothes, you like fancy ones; I like my men ragged, you like yours with feathers; you like to brand yourself ‘bakla,’ I don’t. Simple as that.
The point here is, “kind shmind”. Whether we belong to the same “kind” [sic] or not, we need to respect other people’s personal preferences if we want the same for ourselves. Because after all, aren’t we all men, gay or straight?
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:33 am
Aren’t we all for equality?
I respect them too, sometimes i feel offended for the effems. May puso rin sila. I have a lot of “effem” friends and I jive with them harmoniously.
Bottomline is, hating effems, chubs, or cross dressers is a form of discrimination already.
Its like discriminating your fellow men due to their status.
Haaay. I think this will be a never-ending argument among us.
Why don’t we stand for our gay rights instead? Know thyself, then know other species.. Every gay guy, every kind, has great potentials of its own.
April 30th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Korek! Those who hated effems are pretentious bitches!!! The nerve they say they aren’t but they behave in a manner much more effeminate than a real effeminate when they are being f****d in bed! Disgusting liars!!!
May 5th, 2007 at 4:33 am
i think what “NO EFFEMS” mean no descrimination… it just simply states that “SORRY, I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO EFFEMS…” It’s something we cant push… its like asking a straight guy for a relationship, he just doesnt prefer gays, so he might post “NO GAYS”… but thats no descrimination my fellow brothers and sisters… its just the way they prefer it. Me, myself, am not attracted to effems but im not excluding myself from effeminacy (and have nothing against effeminate gays and in fact have friends of those kinds), i just prefer having a straight acting gay for a date. again, i believe its not descrimination…
May 15th, 2007 at 6:31 am
it is very sad that a lot of our comrades in this faith is twisted to this concept, which is not only pretentious but burdening our very society than helping one another. one word i say to these blinded cowards ” go suck a rock!”.
May 21st, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I agree with Kikz and Pronghorn.. It’s not discrimination.. It doesn’t mean that if you don’t prefer “effem,” you don’t like them or you already discriminate them.. It’s just that some prefer a “straight acting” gay. Also, it doesn’t mean that if you’re a gay, you have to be effeminate.. It’s still your choice on how you’re gonna act as one.. So, if you hate “straight acting gays” who don’t prefer “effem,” that’s discrimination..
May 27th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Ako? ok lng may gay friend. pero kung relationship. mas gusto ko yung hindi effem. para ok lng magkasama kayong dalawa, di masyado agaw pansin.
September 7th, 2007 at 2:38 am
‘NO EFFEM’. How can we achieve our plight for equality if we segment and unconsciously discriminate each other? True, it may be a statement of preference…but how would you feel if i outrightly state ‘no filipinos’ allowed? The tag ‘n0 effem’ is…
September 7th, 2007 at 2:45 am
….is very imposing. and i guess s0methng this sensitive should be kept in private. as ive always advocated, if it hurts the majority, better zip it. After all, the 0ne who sugested the law of supply and demand clearly states that effems dominate. [wink]